“Have you guys got The Best of Milligan and McCarthy in?”
“…”
“You know, the big hardback collection of Peter Milligan and Brendan McCarthy comics?”
“…”
“Peter Milligan? Guy who wrote Enigma and X-Statix and who totally didn’t touch winkies with Grant Morrison back in the 90s? Properly does that po-mo literary thing of trying to live on both sides of the limit of an idea, except when he’s writing rubbish X-Men stories. And he made loads of comics Brendan McCarthy, as in Solo #12, Zaucer of Zilk, that Dark Horse thing… Ditko figurework, tells the whole story with colours, he gave those Coneheads their cone heads – you know who I’m talking about, right?”
“…”
“I mean it’s a bit lazy to ask, sure, but I’ve had a look on the shelves but I’m just asking in case I’d overlooked it somehow.”
“…”
“You’re staring at me like the words I’m saying don’t make any sense right now.”
“Yeah, we don’t have it.”
“Okay. Cool. So could you order it then?”
“No.”
“Could you maybe check for me at least?”
“It must have been a Forbidden Planet London exclusive.”
“Nah man, it was a proper release – you had it in this time last year, I remember seeing it on the shelves.”
“Nope. Must have been a Forbidden Planet London exclusive.”
“Look, I’m not trying to be a dick but it seriously wasn’t. You can get it in [REDACTED], or from Amazon, and… you’re really not even going to search for it on your system?”
“…”
“…”
“I can’t search for it because I don’t have a title.”
“The Best of Milligan and McCarthy.”
“That’s not a title.”
“The title of the comics is “The Best of Milligan and McCarthy” – look it up and you’ll see!”
“Can’t. It must have been a Forbidden Planet London exclusive.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Yeah, but like… I had it on order from [REDACTED] because my girlfriend worked there at the time, and then she got caught up in this big, stupid disciplinary with the company because they thought they had the right to read her dreams or whatever, so I never picked it up, then Brendan McCarthy said some stupid shit about race on the internet and I wrote a piece about it and then he pretended like people had taken the huff with his Spider-Man for like no reason whatsoever so I never bothered ordering it elsewhere but then I remembered that I actually really fucking want this collection because it’s got some of my favourite comics ever in it and I’m already weak and compromised, certainly feeble enough to read Brendan McCarthy comics again, I mean it’s not like this phone isn’t practically oozing blood and global sadness out into my hand right now, so… “
“…”
“…”
“We don’t have it and I can’t search for it without a real title.”
“Okay, so I guess I’ll just have to get it from Amazon?”
“…”
“Okay.”
